| Abstract [eng] |
This master’s thesis is grounded in autoethnography — a qualitative research method in which the researcher’s personal experience becomes a lens through which the surrounding society and culture are examined. It is a synthesis of artistic expression and scientific research, where the arid determinism of conventional science is replaced by a dialogical encounter between the reader and the researcher’s lived meanings. Through creative writing, poetry, and sustained reflection, the researcher becomes both participant and analyst, crafting a multilayered narrative of personal experience. The generated texts are then analysed and interpreted in the light of diverse sociocultural phenomena; the entire process serves as a form of scholarly inquiry often described as “writing as inquiry”. Within this autoethnography, the thesis explores questions of manhood, (dis)embodied vulnerability, self-esteem, and emotional expression in the context of dance movement therapy (DMT) studies. Its relevance is anchored in researcher’s own experience; alarming statistics on men’s psycho-emotional health; and the widespread phenomenon of emotional and social isolation. The work argues that these difficulties are driven by cultural pressures to conform to radical traditional masculinity norms; shifting sociocultural definitions of manhood; and unintegrated relationships with one’s various “fathers” across the lifespan. Under such pressures, men’s inner experiences tend to remain muted or, at best, “whispered.” Object of the study is the autoethnographic description of emotional self-expression and self-esteem, interwoven with sex/gender identity, Christian faith, and experienced within DMT studies. The central research question is: how does a DMT student who experienced parental divorce in childhood years navigate the processes of emotional self-expression and self-esteem as these relate to sex/gender identity and Christian faith? The aim of the study: to use autoethnographic process to describe (dis)embodied emotional self-expression and self-esteem within DMT studies, as situated in relationships with significant others, Christian faith, and the broader sociocultural environment. The findings are crystallised into three overarching motifs: (1) The journey of becoming a man and the search for embodied vulnerability; (2) Relationships with one’s “life-fathers” – biological, symbolic, and spiritual; (3) The healing synergy of DMT and Christian faith. Ultimately, the study demonstrates both the efficacy of autoethnography as a research method and the researcher’s profound inner transformation: from whispering quietly to singing with hope; from dis-embodied to dancing boldly; from rigid, dogmatic conviction to vulnerability-based openness to change. |
